


Say it three times and it will be done

by TerresDeBrume



Series: Rumor Has It (We're all selfish morons) [26]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2013-06-29
Packaged: 2017-12-16 13:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/862546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerresDeBrume/pseuds/TerresDeBrume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is it. This is the point where I stop pretending I can still play that game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say it three times and it will be done

**March 15th, 2031.**

 

My dear Tony.

 

I… I am not certain how to voice –or write- what I have to tell you today.

I suspect none of what you will read in the upcoming minutes will be anything close to pleasant –quite the contrary, I’m afraid. Please do keep in mind it is no less painful for me to write these words than it will be for you to read them.

 

I don’t need to tell you what happened during the past six months. My recovery, my breakdowns, the funerals, the whole host of administrative papers to be filled… You were there through it all and I will never forget that, even though none of this is over yet.

I have, however, found that I can’t allow things to continue this way. I have two sons counting on me to overcome the death of their father, I have a job, I have responsibilities and I can’t just let go of them like that… and yet, leaving everything behind would be nothing short of necessary should I wish to try and mend whatever is left of our relationship.

 

I have found, in these past few months, that I can’t tell if I love or hate you anymore.

It’s unfair to you, I know. After all, what did you do except nothing? I can see it in your eyes, you know, the hope. You don’t want to tell me about it, and I don’t want to hear about it, but I know you wish there was a way for us to work, because I sort of wish for that, too.

It can’t though. It can’t. I can’t. I can’t, because no matter how much I tell myself that you didn’t do it on purpose, that Thor wouldn’t want me to think that way, that sometimes life just suck and it’s nobody’s fault, but I can’t manage to convince myself of it.

 

The truth is, in the twenty years since I got married, the resentment I feel toward you has never stopped growing, and then what am I supposed to do about it? I’ve tried letting go and it didn’t work. I’ve tried turning it around and it didn’t work. Don’t get me wrong, I resent myself as much as I resent you, but I’m forty-six, I know how to deal with myself by now, I know how to protect myself against my stupid impulses.

You on the other hand? I don’t know the first thing about protecting others. Look at what happened when I tried to protect Thor! I know what I’m life, what I feel like doing. Every time I see you, the urge to punch you gets stronger, the itch in my fist more unbearable. I can never forget that my life would have been completely different if you’d only just talked to me, and I can’t make myself forget that.

 

That, more than anything else, is the reason why nothing will ever happen between us.

I don’t want to try it only to end up turning into my stepfather and beating you to death. I don’t want to spoil what little happy times we had together with physical marks on top of the emotional scars.

One day, my own hate and regrets will consume me, but I can at least hope to spare you the worst of it.

 

So, I suppose this is goodbye.

You have done this before, haven’t you? When you decided to stop communicating with me altogether. I guess, it’s only fair that I get to do the same. And if it hurts you to receive a letter making it explicit well, what can I say? I don’t like the idea of leaving without a word.

This should reach you in Malibu, if everything goes well. If not, I guess the empty studio will be enough of an explanation. We’re going back in New Dehli. I’m going to pick the pieces of my life up and bring them back together.

And you’re not going to be a part of it.

 

You have been my heart and soul for longer than I could even tell, and nothing will make me forget that, but this is it.

I renounce the, Tony. I renounce thee, I renounce thee.

 

I wish you the very best, and nothing less.

 

Loki.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and critiques are always welcome :)


End file.
